There is one event I was invited, a farewell for a minister in a campus organization I was actively involved before. I am not sure if I will come to the farewell party, as I do not know him very well. So I went to the Facebook event where I’m asked to RSVP. And I’m the first person who put it neither “Attending” nor “Not Attending”. I put my answer as “Maybe Attending”.
Maybe? That sounds like a lame response. It’s so uncertain, so irresponsible, so uncommitted. People say that it’s not good to say I try, you better say I will or I won’t. If earlier I was reading that consistency is overrated, today I also want to say certainty is overrated.
Why is that okay for you to say “Maybe”?
1) Say “maybe” for its possibility
When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life.
~Eckhart Tolle – A New Earth (review)
Even GTD has a “maybe/someday” category. Why does that matters? It’s for your benefit. The possibility that it brings may benefit you. The category is useful for the things you want to reassess in the future. Having the list is very useful. First, it frees up your mind on the things that you don’t know or not sure how to decide right now. Second, filling up the list with your ideas and wish list you can think of will bring much wider possibility. Even David Allen in his book, Getting Things Done (review), mentioned that the list can add wonderful adventure in our life and work.
2) Say “maybe” for upcoming opportunity
I had another invitation coming, slightly earlier than the farewell party. It’s an invitation to become a speech evaluator at IPA (Indonesian Professional Association) Toastmaster meeting. It will be difficult for me to accept the invitation if I have committed to the party earlier. I decided to went for the Toastmaster meeting, as I think I can do something better there. With the opportunity, I’d like to build relationship and network with other Indonesian people that have similar interest, building communication and leadership skill.
That’s exactly my point. With a maybe list, you can open your schedule for upcoming opportunity, and it gives you the freedom to choose and prioritize. Learn to live with a buffer. If you have too much commitment, you will not be able to stay open with more important thing that may come out later.
3) Say “maybe” for your productivity
I have been interested with many productivity books. The Now Habit by Neil Fiore (review) and The Power of Less by Leo Babauta (review) are some of them. Both of them emphasizes that we works best when we work in the flow condition. Neil Fiore said that it’s the time when we’re working more with right brain rather than left brain, the place where your creativity and imagination flows.
It’s true, when I work in flow condition (like right now when I’m writing this article), your idea flows, and you seems to be able to do more than you think. Often the issue is to start, often it’s the hard part, but once you’re in the flow condition, it’s hard to stop. Okay, I’m sure you got the point, but how is that related with the “maybe”?
Leo takes a further step to ensure that he makes the full use of his flow condition. He suggested to make as few appointments as possible. The fewer commitment you have, the more you have time for the more important thing that matters to you. And that means the more you have opportunity to work on them in ‘flow’ mode.
Concluding Thought
Decide well, what do you want? Don’t say maybe for the things that matter to you more. Put the whole commitment into it, but not for other possible distraction. Remember, you cannot please everyone! You can always deny them, but consider the maybe if you can reassess in the future. Even more if you think it’ll bring possibility in your life. Answering “maybe”, despite of all the limitation it seems, may have advantage that you will see. The above are some of them.
Do you have any thought? Maybe you want to share them?
I will try to respond to them,
Robert
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13 Comments
Nicole Price
on 15th Jun, 09 11:06pm
I prefer to be decisive. Yes or No. Period. No confusion, no uncertainty, no dilly dallying and no trouble for anyone esle because, I cannot make up my mind.
Nicole Price´s last blog ..Weight Loss Pills and Supplements – Do You Need Them?
Robert A.
on 15th Jun, 09 11:06pm
Nicole, thanks! As you mentioned it… I have ever got some experience with that, how my indecisiveness has offended a person.
And “maybe” often selfish, that’s the problem. But if decision can’t be made fast enough, I prefer not to always blame myself to come out with “maybe”…
What I learn is to is to emphasize enough that it’s a maybe, you can’t be committed, and not giving impression of yes or no.
Your message got my thinking going…
Still learning.. Maybe you’re right =)
Robert
Avani
on 16th Jun, 09 03:06am
If there is clarity over what to say yes to, no to and maybe to … life will automatically be rich. Having been on both ends of maybe I know that saying maybe is freeing since it leaves possibilities open and receiving maybe is not exactly something I would like to hear since it doesn’t allow me to move ahead with either yes or no. Hearing in specifics – in what case would it be no and what case would it be yes makes a great addition to receiving maybe. Coz then the picture is clear.
Avani´s last blog ..Following My Heart
used tires
on 16th Jun, 09 03:06pm
Haha yes I love saying maybe, but I hate it when others say it tehe. Maybe is a great way to leave the option still open but not mandatory. Its true you cannot please everyone, so if you get offered to do something, and you say maybe, and later get offer to do a better something you can cancel on the other one! Maybe is a great tool. Also College waitlists are a type of “maybes” just for a thought, colleges are turning more and more to their waitlists as students nowadays are applying to at least 5 schools.
Till then,
Jean
bardy
on 16th Jun, 09 08:06pm
When one has clouded mind and not sure shot answer to a question one can definately opt for “may be” term. It broadens the limitations of language along with your answer.
Computer repair Sydney
on 17th Jun, 09 04:06pm
There are many time when we get confused and we can’t decided that what we have to do know. I hate these kind for conditions.
Nicole Price
on 17th Jun, 09 10:06pm
Used Tyres, I suspect has got it bang on. We like to say May Be, but do not like others to say it to us!
Nicole Price´s last blog ..Weight Loss Pills and Supplements – Do You Need Them?
Mari
on 18th Jun, 09 12:06am
I always get scolded with the maybes. They never understand that is more a matter that I want my opportunities to be open, than indecisiveness. My culture has the bad custom of saying yes to everything, I am trying hard to get that out of my system, as we always regret at some point after we go “sure , no problem”… ehmmm “oops, i forgot i had to meet xxxx” hahaha
Mari´s last blog ..How to create your own miracles
Robert A.
on 18th Jun, 09 05:06pm
Yup yup, we are all like that I guess. We like to say maybe, and we don’t like to receive a maybe.
Avani’s idea is a great one. Responding ‘maybe’ with the reasons and conditions can help.
Otherwise, I think it’s better to say that you cannot commit into it.
It’s better to say no, but eventually you do it, rather than saying yes, but eventually you cannot make it. That will at least prepare our audience to look for the alternatives.
Thanks for the responses, glad that it can generate some discussion.
Eventually, maybe has pros and cons.
Robert
Robert A.
on 18th Jun, 09 05:06pm
Mari, welcome to Reason-4-Smile.
I believe it’s your first comment here. I haven’t got a chance to read your article. From a glance, the design is really neat and professional, magazine-like. And the blog tagline, it’s very interesting, Life on Canvas =) Our life is really an art, a masterpiece as you say.
Thanks for sharing your thought here!
Maybe not as indecisiveness, but as opportunities…
I like how you say it. =)
Thanks and keep in touch!
Robert
game-girl
on 1st Jul, 09 08:07pm
Maybe implies two different directions in developing the situation.You can choose the necessary one from inside which is more suitable for you in the present moment.
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Buy PSP Go
on 12th Aug, 09 12:08am
You spot on here, maybe doesn’t mean you have too – it just keeps the door open if you want to take advantage of an opportunity or an event.
Buy PSP Go´s last blog ..Sony Considered Second Analog Stick for PSP Go
Love Graphics
on 21st Aug, 09 07:08am
Hi Robert, I would agree that saying maybe just leaves the person you say it to kind of in limbo. And I also agree that I say it too much, but enjoy saying it, but hate when people say it to me lol.
Love Graphics´s last blog ..A beautiful women