“Who am I?”

Do you often ask that question? It’s a very basic question that we should ask ourselves. It speaks about our calling and identity. The answer guides us in what we should do, what the significance of our life is, what our calling is, and so on.

The program I attended recently, The Courage to Create by ECI asked this question in quite an early part of the discussion, the question of “Who am I?”

“I am a son of God, through Jesus Christ” It’s in my mind while trying to answer that question. Kelvin Sim (the Master Coach for the program) seems to disagree with such point of view as it more explains the perspective/identity given by environment outside us, such as religion, pastors, and friends.

To answer the question, Kelvin brought us instead to look into our past memories. In that journey, I found the things that made me into who I am today, memories that shaped me, both joyful and hurting moments. He taught us to deal with it instead of ignoring and suppressing it. It’s the way to find who we are.

The world of “I”s

photo credit: pingnews.com

Each of us is a collection of “I”s and some of them sit in the authority position. Unfortunately, some are there subconsciously. They took the throne without our permission. In results, we are running on auto pilot. Those are the “machines” inside us.

These machines are not necessarily weaknesses. It can be your strength. It may have helped you save your day many times. But nevertheless, “machines” are always bad. Your strength can be bad for you if they are controlling you. You have no choice but to use your strength.

An example of machine in my life is efficiency. It has helped me to do more things. It helps me to do more things, to manage and save my time. But unfortunately, a lot of times I lose control over it. I sometimes sacrifice my integrity and persistence for it. It also spoils my relationships as it is not recommended to be efficient in relationship. You need to be patient, to slow down if you want to relate with people.

The “I”s throne

These “machines” takes control over us not by coincidence. His throne is built little by little, shaped after many incidents that has happened in our past. Each traumatic or significant event in our life, split our “I”s. We suppress some of them and at the same time, building the throne for the others. One event after another, one disappointment after another, one hurt after another, and now, that “I” is strongly in control.

Another example again in my life, many disappointments in my past has made me to suppress my expressive “I”. Mistakes after mistakes made me fearful in expressing my thoughts. It’s no longer in control, and the fear, worry, and shyness take over it. I believe each of us, regardless of personality, must have experienced this as well.

Dethroning the “I”s

photo credit: Sasha Petite

If those “I”s are controlling us such strongly, how can we overcome them? Here is what I learn from the course so far.

1. Be aware
First, know what we need to overcome. My coach asked me many times, “what sort of ‘I’s is controlling you now?”. That brought me into awareness.

Kelvin took us in counting our stocks, strengths and weaknesses, and then to recall and re-experience our past memories. He’s doing it with one purpose: finding the “I”s that has been controlling us. Understanding them is important, And all the pain will be gone after we take out the promise/the “I” we made after such event. It made the king “I” loses its strength. And the journey starts from there.

2. Create something
Sorry to disappoint you that the changes is not a magic. It is a process. The project that follows the program, Making Courage Work (MCW), is what it is about. Cleaning clutters does not mean anything if you don’t put new stuffs. If there is no “king”, the old “king” will come back again.

In MCW, we picked a project in the following 7 weeks, something to boost our confidence in being able to achieve something, representing the new “I” we are building. More than that, we are also having daily habits, acts of courage and clutters to clear in our life. It is the real process, the proof that you can really make things happen, make your courage really works.

3. Be willing

“When you cease doubting, you have stopped moving forward“
~Paulo Coelho (Brida)

Sorry to warn you that it’s not easy. If we are not doubting it, that means the goals is too easy for you. Focus, discipline, perseverance, integrity, and love are some values that is able to guide us to change. They are called the householder “I”s, and yes, they are still not enough. . You need them, but you also need the one fuels them; it’s called your  “will”.

The Will

Try opening your eyes and stop blinking for 10 minutes. Yup, try it! You can look at the mirror to look at yourself. See if you can do it. If not, notice what kind of conversation stopped you to persevere. Those are the similar conversation that will stop you in pursuing the changes you need to do.

When I did the eye blinking exercise, I kept on thinking of the right way in doing it. I couldn’t persevere. I thought that it’s humanly impossible. I kept thinking and looking for other ways, maybe better ways to do it. I also thought of helping the person I exercised with, and therefore I lost my focus.

Will is really the fuel of what you want to do. WILL help you not to give up and will help you to stay strong. Will is the one that keep you awake to pursue your dream regardless of all the obstacle and failures. If you want to follow your dream, start doing it as a clutter to rearrange my things in my house. to come true? If you do, do you have the will, then?

Willing,
Robert