Do you need others to achieve your vision?

If your answer is NO, that means your vision is not big enough. If your answer is YES, that means you will need to have relationships with other people. Not only a common relationship, but a winning relationship. That is about how you can win with people.

The book Winning with People consists of the five big questions below:

• The Readiness Question
• The Connection Question
• The Trust Question
• The Investment Question
• The Synergy Question

The Readiness Question: Are we prepared for relationships?

The question is answered with five principles below:

1. The lens principle: Who we are determines how we see others
2. The mirror principle: The first person we must examine is ourselves
3. The pain principle: Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them
4. The hammer principle: Never use a hammer to swat a fly off someone’s head
5. The elevator principle: We can lift people up or take people down in our relationships

From my point of view, the five principles come down into one core point: RESPONSIBILITY. You are really prepared for relationship only when you are ready to be responsibility on the relationship.

The first two require you to be responsible on your mistake in relationship, how you see yourself and why you behave in a certain way.
The third principle requires you to be responsible on understanding others, why each people behave in a certain way.
The last two principles require you to be responsible on the action you need to take towards others.

The Connection Question: Are we willing to focus on others?

The question is answered with six principles below:

1. The big picture principle: The entire population of the world -with one minor exception- is composed of others
2. The exchange principle: Instead of putting others in their place, we must put ourselves in their place
3. The learning principle: Each person we meet has the potential to teach us something
4. The charisma principle: People are interested in the person who is interested in them
5. The number 10 principle: Believing the best in people usually brings the best out of people
6. The confrontation principle: Caring for people should precede confronting people

Interestingly, John called this question as connection question. The connection will exist only when we focus on others. John started by explaining why focusing in others are important, and subsequently how you can focus on others. The focus comes through many forms, emphaty(2), learning attitude(3), interest(4), belief for the best in others(5), and confrontation (6). Applying the principles into your relationship, you will see how your perspective changes. Your perspective will be shifted from woo to you, from “Here I am” to “Here you are”.  

The Trust Question: Can we build mutual trust?

The question is answered with five principles below:

1. The bedrock principle: Trust is the foundation of any relationship
2. The situation principle: Never let the situation mean more than the relationship
3. The bob principle: When Bob has a problem with everyone, Bob is usually the problem
4. The approachability principle: Being at ease with ourselves helps others be at ease with us
5. The foxhole principle: When preparing for battle, dig a hole big enough for a friend

John regards trust as the foundation of any relationship, not leadership, value, partnership or anything else. It works like a bank account, sometimes you make deposit, and sometimes you make withdrawal. The situation principle shares that we all need to prioritize on relationship instead of the situation. Disagreements are meant to be resolved with reconciliation in mind. Remembering the best moments is one of the suggestion that John shared in the book.
The rest of the principles share that trust is smart(3), trust needs transparency(4), and trust needs action(5).

The Investment Question: Are we willing to invest in others?

The question is answered with five principles below:

1. The gardening principle: All relationships need cultivation
2. The 101 percent principle: Find the 1 percent we agree on and give it 100 percent of our effort
3. The patience principle: The journey with others is slower than the journey alone
4. The celebration principle: The true test of relationships is not only how loyal we are when friends fail, but how thrilled we are when they succeed
5. The high road principle: We go to a higher level when we treat others better than they treat us.

No man can live happily who regards himself alone; who turns everything to his own advantage. You must live for others if you wish to live for yourself.
~Seneca

The above quote opens the chapter on the investment question. It is more than just focus or trust. It is taking a higher road on relationship. It certainly takes more effort, but the rewards also huge. That means we need to still invest on the relationship despite disagreement(2), slower progress(3), how successful they are(4), and how bad they treat us(5).

The Synergy Question: Can we create a win-win relationship?

The question is answered with four principles below:

1. The boomerang principle: When we help others, we help ourselves
2. The friendship principle: All things being equal, people will work with people they like; all things not being equal, they still will
3. The partnership principle: Working together increases the odds of winning together
4. The satisfaction principle: In great relationships, the joy of being together is enough

Concluding the book, John emphasize that eventually winning with people will create a win-win relationship. Both of you will gain benefits, that is called synergy. Particularly in the boomerang principle(1), John introduces an investor concept in relationship. Investor gives and then receive, while traders receive and then give. The investment that we made in others will eventually help ourselves back, that comes through friendship(2), partnership(3), or even simply enjoyment of being together (4).

The book offers numerous tips on attitude and behavior, also inspirational application stories from familiar figures, such as Abraham Lincoln, Barbara Walters, Ben Franklin, Angelina Jolie, etc. The book will show you very much the practicality of how you can win with people. You can get the book via Amazon here.

For your success,
Robert