Dating Introvert: Eight ways to become an attractive woman

Feb 26, 2008 by

OnlyChild ETCJoansey
Creative Commons License photo credit: joansey66

I’ve done with the men’s part and now I’m getting into the women’s part. What you need to do in getting a date?

Okay, it is not as if I am promoting girls to be aggressive, taking the first step, asking guys out, and so on. I am not against that, it’s only that some guys will be turned off by all that. You will be seen as an aggressive woman, and men, who are normally having a bigger ego, will be trying to run away from you.

Girls, what you need to do is being an attractive person. This is a proactive step you can take. Yup, beauty and size does matter for guys, but it is actually more than that.

I will prove my point with the following points from Bo Sanchez’s book, How to find your one true love. This article will give you few of the insights from his book on finding your one true love. His ministry in Philippine has helped many men and women in their love and relationship life. You can find his website here and you can also buy the e-book from there.

There are 8 points I want to share in this article, inspired by Bo’s book, the 8 ways how you women can become attractive to men…

1. Be responsible

Do not take away the responsibility of getting a date from you. If you’re a religious person, you may think, “Oh… I’m waiting for God to bring me the right person”. Okay, some special cases may prove that it may work, but girls, it usually needs more than that, I have shared earlier that you need to be careful on excuse you may make. It might be an excuse you to run away from your responsibility and eventually blaming God for the mistakes you made.

Even if you believe very much that guys need to take the step, there is one thing that you need to proactively do, that is about being attractive. That is in your hand and that is something that you need to do with your best. The following tips will help you.

2. Be approachable

Think about this, do you see yourself approachable? Or… on the other hand, do you see yourself putting unfriendly face? Some women judge men too fast; they put their standard very high, hence they simply ignore some types of men. Be careful of missing the opportunity to find the right guy for you, you may not know what you really need from a man.

Simply a smile will help you to show that you are approachable. Do not give a cold face when a guy is looking at you, do not shy away, give a smile back instead. Don’t you know that smile is contagious, and you will become a much more attractive person by simply a smile?

3. Be interested

Here is also a revelation for me about how to become attractive. If you want to be attractive, start by being interested.

Here is a simple way to be interested… It’s asking! Ask to learn and to know more, not simply to fill in the quietness. More than asking, give attention to his answer, learn from his knowledge, learn more about him, so that when he eventually ask you to become your date, you have a solid knowledge and understanding whether he is the right one for you.

4. Be affirming

Do you know what men’s greatest need is? Is it sex? No, it’s not sex! This is also revealed to me when I’m reading Bo Sanchez’s book, it is affirmation. I found that it is very true for men; many times sex for men is just a withdrawal from the need of affirmation, to prove their manhood and looking forward to have some control in his life.

If you are looking for men who is willing to work hard and able to make the ends meet for their family, that means you are looking for men with needs of affirmation. Men who work hard, are looking forward for praise and affirmation of their hard work, they wanted someone to say that they have done their best in their work, their ministry and their life. Be affirming to men, you will become much more attractive, and you will gain much of his attention and affection back.

5. Be sexy

No… it is not about figures… Bo Sanchez shared that he found many women hide their feminine self because of their fear of rejection, their shame of revealing their body size and figures. Some might be the result of religious teaching that associates being sexy with negative impression.

Women, you are born as a woman so you need to be a woman. Do not hide it; instead, be comfortable with your sensuality and feminine self.

Be sexy! This does not mean that I suggested you wearing miniskirts or clothes that are very much revealing, that is tempting guys to crave over your body, but it is more about showing your feminine self. Here is what Bo said about being sexy…

*Do you know that the biggest sex interest is not how you clothe, but in how your personality is, your interest and love for life. That is sexy! How you clothe, your hair, your make-up, your body must show that “I enjoy being a women!”

Bo Sanchez

That is what I mean by being sexy, be proud of your feminine self and do not hide your sensuality and personality.

6. Be happy

A happy person will attract a happy person. Similarly, men are attracted with a happy person. Learn to watch over how you complain about yourself and your circumstances. You may think that you want to be married before you can happy, but here is what Bo mentioned about marriage…

*Marriage is a magnifier glass. Marriage will only magnify the sadness or happiness that you have while you are single!

Bo Sanchez

7. Be humble

Bo has a warning especially for women with strong personality. You may have a minimum standard of men you will date, but “be careful not to intimidate the right men for your life”. Men have high self esteem, and many may feel intimidated by woman who is stronger than them, who is more successful than them.

It is not about money or position, but how selfish and arrogant you have become by your success. Bo’s point if for you to become a humble person, to learn to admit when you are wrong, to be approachable and ask when you need help, to be willing to receive help, and to be willing to help other people in need. Being humble is part of becoming an attractive person.

8. Be mysterious

This is another dating secret that Bo shared in the book, about the importance of being mysterious. “Use the word ‘maybe’!” he suggested. Do not let the men’s pursuit is over, do not let men think that you are all set for him, waiting for him to propose.

What Bo emphasized on this point is for women not to be dependent too much on your date/date wannabe. Have life besides your life with your date, show him that he is only a part of your world not your whole world. Show him that you still enjoy your life; show him that you are still busy with your life; ask him to make some effort to ask you for a date. It’s a process of pursuing and loving that usually excites men, once you are all surrendered to him, guys will be relax, enjoying his time and will not value you much.

*He needs to know that you are not only waiting for his proposal, but you are occupied with your life that is full of excitement and passion for growth to become an amazing woman.

Bo Sanchez

In conclusion

Even if you are not becoming proactive in finding your date, be proactive to become an attractive woman. Put efforts to become an approachable woman. That will help you to know more men, to know more about men, to really know what you want and what you need from a partner in life.

*The first step is not to find the right man. The first step is to be the right woman.

Bo Sanchez

While in the process, be happy and enjoy your life. Being happy will make you a very attractive person, as what I have shared with you, a quote from Craig Harper on his article, Exploring Relationships with the Single Weirdo

People who have that sense of urgency to get married are less likely to find marital bliss and less likely to appeal to a potential partner. Note to all wanna-be brides and grooms: Desperation – not attractive.
Craig Harper

All the best in your journey in finding the right date.

I welcome any thoughts and comments. I do hope that I can learn more about women too!
Wish you success in your relationship and love life!

For your success,

*Disclaimer: all the quotes from Bo Sanchez are freely translated from the Indonesian version of the book. Those may not exactly the same words stated in the original book in English.

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  1. Well done! I just stumbled it.

  2. Robert A.

    Thanks Jean =)

  3. Be Positive
    I have found that most women who have a lot going in their lives don’t have much of a positive attitude.

    Be Confident, That also helps 😉

  4. Robert A.

    Hi Shamelle, thank you so much for adding in the two ways to be attractive,
    I do think that it is very important, becoming a positive and confident person.
    People will be attracted to people alike, when you are positive and confident, you will attract confident and positive people too.


  5. Hi Robert,

    Loved this article! It’s packed with useful advice for women who are single as well as those involved in a relationship.

    Ultimately, though,

    “Thriving relationships with others require fully understanding my relationship with Self.”

    In other words, by getting to know you better you can increase your self-confidence and improve how you relate to others.

    I’ve been considering re-launching an 8-part relationship management program that I created but has, until now, only been offered offline. It is called Inside Out and is designed to move you from “fear” (a big factor in achieving nurturing relationships) and into “love”.

    If you want to learn more about this program please send an email to and join my VIP notification list.

    Thank you.


  6. Robert A.

    Thanks for your comment and offer,
    I’ll contact you for more information on the offer.


  7. louise

    hi none of the stuff works for me.the guys i know are more interst girls from play boy or supermodel.its shame there is such low quality guys out there .who think below the belt instaed of with the head

  8. Robert A.

    Hi Louise, thanks for the comments

    There is one tips that Bo shared on this, if all the guys around you are “low quality”, find a new environment where you can find the high quality one.

    Some places are like church/other place of worship, personal development seminar, network marketing business meeting, place of education, dance class, etc.

    Think of where the kind of man you’re looking forward will be gathering, and with the right guys, with good guys, the above tips will work.

    Hope it helps,

  9. I’m so proud I have known Bo through his works. I followed almost all his advices on attracting men. I cannot forget the term he used ‘wholesome flirting’. I’ve done it and now I’m glad it’s effective. Thanks for this post!

  10. I can’t remember the term “wholesome flirting” I guess it’s because I was reading the translated version (to Indonesian language). But what I learn that we need to do as single is choosing wholeness… rather than desperate in looking for the one, we can choose to be happy even when we are single!
    All the best!

  11. Caz

    thanks for the post! 😀

  12. I like the point about the wholesome flirting Interesting post, thanks for sharing
    .-= Senior Dating Services´s last blog ..Senior Dating Services Reviewed =-.

  13. fika

    thamks for the article it is very helpful

  14. Adult Dating

    Very helpful information , thank you!
    .-= Adult Dating´s last blog ..Your requests… =-.

  15. It looks like any girl who read this will find a newly found relationship 😉 This is add points when they follow these.
    .-= online dating´s last blog ..Love Letter =-.

  16. nice one very helpful..tnx so much

  17. So nice…what can I say? 2 thumbs up….i have something to share… I am exclusively dating to someone for more than a year…but we both knew that it will end into nothing coz we have different beliefs and culture I’m a Christian and he’s a pure Hindu. No one will give up about this matter. We are compatible in many things and we have the same interest, mentally we have the same point of views, we respect each other and we’re friends…many time I told him to end this coz its useless and the feeling is getting stronger but he says no…not now..ect..what to do?

  18. hi i’m new her

  19. ok i’m not attractive at all and realy i want be important girl in less for my self
    any advice ?????????

  20. Olivia

    I’ve read this article and I think it’s interesting! I’m not a very outgoing person and never had a boyfriend.): I get tired of peoples looks when I tell them a boys never asked me out. I just want to have some ideas on how to get a boy to like me.
    I like one boy in particular, but he doesn’t have any interest in me….how can I get him to like me?


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